If someone were to ask me why I believe in God and why I’m a Christian, I think I would ask them a question in return: what do you believe the truth is?
This story is my truth.
Imagine you were in a family you never felt like you fully belonged. You had an option to go up for adoption and be welcomed into a new family but because you were scared- and let’s be honest, you’ve heard the horror stories of kids getting abused so you never pursued it. After doing what you felt was best in the moment, you continue to choose a family that doesn’t truly know how to love, but no one is perfect right? You’re not perfect yourself either so who are you to judge?
First you start to doubt your experiences and then you start to doubt yourself when bad things happen. The truth gets lost. The doubt from your experiences leading you to doubt yourself makes you feel crazy…if you feel crazy, you must be crazy. You start to act and behave in ways the people you’re around tell you how you should act because of who they believe you are. You want people to accept you because people accepting you equals safety. Mistakes are made. Worldviews were created. Teams are set. Walls built. Division, separateness, comparisonitis, scarcity, self-protection, and trauma all wrapped up in one bundle is the reality for most people.
The original adoption family calls again but you still want to stay on your own path. You’re so close to finding who you really are and what the meaning of it all really is, now that you know what’s it’s not supposed to feel like. But this time, instead of trying to do it from the dependency of other people (parents/caregivers, teachers/authority figures), you now have independence. You can try to find what you need on your own. So you try. The “adventure” begins. You step into that dark alleyway all by yourself. You thought you had friends with you but they all went home. You’re by yourself.
The family you’ve had your whole life tells you that alleyway is “fine”. No big deal. They all had to go down their own alleyway. Then imagine the family you’ve known your whole life in that same alleyway, waiting for you, but they’re not there to support you. They’re there to jump you; they tear you apart. Your clothes are torn and shredded, it’s almost as if they took your heart and divided it amongst themselves as to who was going to burn it, rip it, crush it- you’re rejected by them, totally forgotten, used, bruised, and left completely alone. Slumped over. Barely moving. All you can do is move your mouth to ask for help. Then you notice a door opening. You’re at the door of the family you always had the option of being in-the adoptive family. You’re expecting more abuse. Rejection. You’re expecting them to turn you away. Condemnation. No true safety. Perhaps even worse than you could have imagined.
But you don’t get that.
Instead you get the biggest smile and the longest hug. The hug and smile themselves start to heal you. Your torn and shredded clothes are restored but better than what you had before. You’re wearing something so clean but something that fits you perfectly; like it was meant for you your whole life. Your heart is healing again but has a protective fire around it. You can’t help but melt and cry into the love that has wrapped His arms around you. Not only is He so happy you’re there, He’s also moved to tears at the pain you’ve had to endure. He can’t bear that you’ve had to suffer. You then find out He was always there. Always ready to help, had you asked for it. Turns out He was the biggest and greatest love you could have ever had. He was just waiting to show you all those years.
Now you spend the rest of your time getting to know your new family. You make mistakes and because this family does everything through the lens of love, you must also. But you were taught in a family how to self-protect and how to see the darkness more than you were taught to see the light in others. The darkness is easier to believe after all. Believing in the light requires faith.
Jesus is God, and God is Jesus. Jesus is the Bridegroom and I am His bride. He was so happy to see me home. My best friend that was watching over me all of those years-the Holy Spirit-is who led me to Him. The Holy Spirit was always telling me there was a better way. There was always someone who could show me what true love actually is, feels like, and does. God, the Father, is the one who opened the door and called me to Him using my best friend the Holy Spirit. He is love. He is the One who gave His Son and His Spirit so that we may know Him.
I have been deceived, mislead, mocked, degraded, and drawn so deep into darkness like many people in this world. By God’s grace I have been lifted out of that pit and into His light. Cloaked in His righteousness. I am washed clean and set right again. I will not squander His love because it is not little to me. His love is the very air I breathe. He is the reason I was not left for dead. Not physical death (although that was a very real possibility). I was spiritually dead until that door opened and I accepted His loving embrace.
If you do not believe in the love that spoke the world into existence, that spoke you into existence…if you’re in a pit…you are not alone. Ever. You are being led.
It is my hope and prayer that Abba Father will grant you out of the riches of His glory, to be strengthened and spiritually energized with power through His Spirit in your inner self [indwelling your innermost being and personality], so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through your faith. And may you, having been [deeply] rooted and [securely] grounded in love, be fully capable of comprehending with all the saints the width and length and height and depth of His love [fully experiencing that amazing, endless love]; and [that you may come] to know [practically, through personal experience] the love of Christ which far surpasses [mere] knowledge [without experience], that you may be filled up [throughout your being] to all the fullness of God [so that you may have the richest experience of God’s presence in your lives, completely filled and flooded with God Himself]. (Ephesians 3:16-19 Amplified Version). In the name of Jesus, Amen.
She Who Abides In Him 
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